My Favourite Questions!
Zofie Lloyd-Kucia
Over the years I've picked up a whole bunch of tools, tips and questions that I use in my therapy sessions and having so many options really helps me to deal with all sorts of challenging situations.
There are a handful of such questions that I use time and again, not only with clients but in my own life too. And I'm going to share them with you here in the hope that you too will find them useful (which l defy you not too!!!)
What do I need to hear? Oh question I salute you for your brilliance!! Such an awesome, awesome thing you are! I think I first heard this from Cindy Crawford on The Oprah show- she credited her pastor for teaching it to her! You can use it any time you don't feel good and need soothing! What l then love to do, is use your answer as a kind of mantra. Say you're worried about one of your children for example, you pose this question and the answer you get it 'it's all going to be OK', well, tell yourself this, kind of on repeat and it will really help! By the way, if you ever think 'I don't know' in response, that's ok, but truly you do know, just be light about it and sit quietly and allow the answer to come to you. Your inner wisdom never deserts you, it's just that sometimes it gets shrouded by worry and negativity...when you can allow this to dissipate you'll sense your inner guidance again!
Ok, second one: 'who do I want to be in this situation?' Aah, I adore this one too! One of the 'statements' I tell all of my clients about is 'event plus response equals outcome' which helps to keep us focused on our response to events as opposed to the actual events. And this question reminds us to keep our focus here! It can guide us again to our inner wisdom and point us in the direction of our essence which will always be loving, wise, have a broad perspective, compassionate, kind, secure, open and so on. Amen to all of that I say!! Another simple, wise, able to cut through all the crap question! This is why l am in love with it.
So, my third favourite...this one l credit to the works of the genius Abraham Hicks and it is: 'how would l feel if this was resolved?' Use this question when you're in a pickle and things don't appear to be going well. A couple of years ago l had a few issues with an unfriendly neighbour and this question helped me a lot! Again, it helps point you back in a more positive direction, to where your inner wisdom already is...it can be enormously soothing and guiding and start the ball rolling in terms of you feeling better- which will open the door to you allowing the solutions to appear!
A similar, equally awesome question is 'what does this give me clarity on?' Could be that someone is rude to you, your answer might be along the lines of 'it gives me clarity on the fact that l love politeness, warmth, kindness, 'nice' people and so on....shift your focus here and you've conducted alchemy- well done to you! This is what you're here for- to use the unwanted to propel you into greater joy! And when you get this licked you start to feel invincible....kind of like 'bring it on life, because whatever you throw at me l can use it to my advantage!'
Ok- a final one for now: 'what is the blessing in this?!' This is powerful and timing is key! Use it when something sucky has happened...but you need to be ready to focus on the fact that within every sucky situation lies the jewel of a blessing...as a rule it takes a while for us to perceive it, but really it needn't. We will all be able to think of situations in our lives that 'didn't go well', but then in the fullness of time we came to perceive the blessings therein, in one of those glorious full circle moments.
Oh how I love simple, wise questions that act as guide posts....pointing us back towards our own inner knowing! Amen to them!
Wishing you well,
Zofie x
PS- just realised I simply cannot complete this post without a nod to Einstein and his quote/question: "The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe." LOVE this! And l'm in complete agreement with him....
